AFE: *in a conspiratorial whisper* Hi, it’s me, AFE Smith. Welcome back to the author interview series Barren Island Books, where my guests are exiled to a remote island with only five books for company. Um, you’re probably wondering why I’m whispering and hiding in this tree dressed as Jane from Tarzan. The circumstances are a bit different today. You see, some jerk has taken over my island for the purposes of talking exclusively about his own books and I’ve had to sneak onto the island to stop him. He thinks he’s tough and doesn’t have to play by “island rules”, but don’t worry – I’ve got a plan to take back my island, to take back my interview series. The pilfering pirate’s podium is just below. Yeah, I see him now. Just listen to this hot-air windbag and I am certain he’ll incriminate himself before I attack.
*covers her mouth and sniggers*
Just listen to him … I’ve got a surprise for him.
Dean: My loyal fans. Thank you again for joining me on Dean’s Island. Now I know some of you have heard the whinings of a certain red-headed novelist who thinks she developed the idea of stranding an author on an island, but it’s not true. I came up with this concept longgggg before Little Red stole it from me. Stole it from me, you hear. This is my show!
*kicks the sand, then abruptly clears his throat*
Uh, we’ve got a great show for you today. I’m gonna talk about some of my recent accomplishments …
AFE: *still whispering* His name is Dean Lombardo and he’s a real heel. Speaking of which … ahhhh-ahh-ahh-ahhhhh! I’ll just swing in here as he turns …
*uses a vine to soar over the lagoon and deliver a downward hook kick to Dean’s face before swinging back again*
Heehee, a direct hit to the mouth. That’ll shut him up.
Dean: *spitting blood and pressing button on remote control* Not so fast, you crimson-headed woodpecker!
*a hatch opens under the water and a shark emerges into the lagoon*
*AFE grins, swings on the vine again and jumps right over the shark, landing in front of Dean*
Dean: What the –?
AFE: Yeah, that’s right. I jumped the shark. And now, I’m going to weaponise it.
*grabs shark by the tail and swings it against the side of Dean’s head*
Hey Dean, would you rather wrestle a bear or punch a shark? I’m guessing you wouldn’t choose the shark. Haha.
*chucks shark back into lagoon and takes microphone from Dean’s prone form*
Well, since we don’t have an authorised author guest today … *kicks Dean in the ribs before turning away* … I guess that gives me a chance to talk about my own new release from Harper Voyager. Darkhaven is a completely awesome fantasy novel about shapeshifters and murder. It doesn’t have any sharks in it, or bears for that matter, but it does have a rampaging wyvern. So there’s that. The basic storyline is that a girl is accused of killing her own father and –
*in the background, Dean clambers to his feet*
Dean: You scarlet-headed ostrich! This is my island!
*AFE turns, grabs a coconut and shatters it over his head*
AFE: Didn’t knock you out, huh? Must be that thick skull of yours.
*two more coconuts follow*
Wow, you’re a tough nut to crack. Ha, see what I did there?
*Dean finally falls to his knees with coconut milk dripping down his face*
*AFE knocks him over with a push of her foot*
As I was saying. My new fantasy murder mystery Darkhaven has just been released, so if you want action, intrigue, swordfights, romance, a pistol-packing mercenary and a really unique city, you should definitely check it out. You can pick up the ebook for only $3.99, which is clearly a bargain though I do say so myself. That sound good to you, Dean?
Dean: *incoherent mumble*
AFE: Exactly. Now, before we whisk Dean away, we have one last decision to make: How should we expel him from the island? I can kick him into the lagoon where the shark will eat him … nah, it’ll probably spit his rotten self out. I think the trusty old cannon is the best idea.
*wheels out a cannon, shoves Dean inside and fires him off the island*
*wipes her hands together and laughs*
Well, it’s been fun. Thank you for joining us, Dean, and I hope you enjoy your trip! And the rest of you who have been so kind to join us, I hope you enjoy Darkhaven.
More about Darkhaven
Ayla Nightshade never wanted to rule Darkhaven. But her half-brother Myrren – true heir to the throne – hasn’t inherited their family gift, forcing her to take his place.
When this gift leads to Ayla being accused of killing her father, Myrren is the only one to believe her innocent. Does something more sinister than the power to shapeshift lie at the heart of the Nightshade family line?
Now on the run, Ayla must fight to clear her name if she is ever to wear the crown she never wanted and be allowed to return to the home she has always loved.